Personal, Poetry

recession fear

If we just pay attention

To facts, and only facts,

The current ones,

Not the past ones,

And how I really should react

There is no reason to to be afraid of

A display of true affection

Reciprocation of attention.

But upon closer inspection

Let’s take a look, a hard look

At my various past selections

How on Earth

Can I let myself

Forget the past facts?

Past facts that clap back

Packed up, compact

In the bank in the back

Of my mind

Think tank

I gotta grind just to find the right kind of

Cash money to satisfy these self-imposed fines

Banks vaults deep down that are expertly lined,

Built with the wealth of my fear

Fat stacks of cash to the rear

Like misjudgment of these fools

Has been my full-time career

Yeah, I’ve been in some deep

and emotional debt,

And at this moment

I am really just tryna forget,

That in the past,

This game of debt’s made me a fuckin wreck

And tryin to pay it off

Is like going neck and neck

 

Except it’s one versus none

Myself against my mind

And paying this shit off

Has taken some real time

This interest rate is killer

These dimes seem to just climb

Take away all the

Hard work I’ve put in

Overtime

 

Nonetheless,

I keep investing in you,

Your current stock

Hoping that these profits are gonna come thru,

That they won’t stop

Please, bring me nuff so that I make due

Assets on lock

So I can get up and try to start new

Start from the top

So stick with me

Prove to me

Make it real for me

Please stay n try to force me to be able to see

To trust, to get rid of these piling fees

To successfully save all this accrued money

 

Don’t stop treating me right,

Or keeping me near

And maybe you can help me silence this

Incessant recession fear

 

Because you see,

All my

Previous investments have

Pulled me down below zero

Disbelief.

Let down.

Pero eso no es lo que quiero.

But it’s

A dance I’ve

Become accustomed to

A dance I’ve

Become familiar with

A dance that’s

Become difficult

Really not to expect.

But if we look at the

Actual facts, current facts

Right now

You don’t seem like someone

With intention to hurt.

So then how

Are all my senses

Still ready to act, so on the alert?

I guess it’s just that your currency is hard to convert,

and I guess I’ve just been assumin’ I’ll need to revert

To my past methods of tryna divert

To drier feelings before you potentially desert,

Because I might rather stay safe and and single and unhurt

Than exert this extra energy

And try to reassert

That maybe you’ll be good for me

Maybe you’ll be different

Maybe your affection isn’t just a harsh stint

But look, man, I really gotta be honest and admit

That my past has been tinted with some pretty real shit

So it’s hard to trust you,

It’s hard to see

That being with you really

Should just make me happy

And by saying all these things

I don’t mean no disrespect

I’m just caught up in my head

And I’ve been tryna reflect

On the difference between

What I’m seeing

Versus what I’ve come to expect.

So stick with me

Prove to me

Make this real for me

Please stay n try to force me to be able to see

To trust, to get rid of these piling fees

To successfully save all this accrued money

Please understand me,

Please let me be clear,

That even though I’m terrified,

I just want you here,

 

Just want you to help me

Oh please, my dear

Please try to help me end

My relentless recession fear

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