Creative Writing, Personal, Poetry

value

Do you value what I’ve done for you?

That I’ve been true for you?

That I’ve come through for you?

After all of this shit I’ve been through

 

And I can’t believe it’s come to

The fact that I’ve got no fucking clue

What you think of my missing screws

Or the mildew in my head I’ve gotten used to

 

And I’m not trying to devalue you

Or undermine the shit that you’ve been through

I just really wish that you knew

I need assurance that you’ll be true

 

I just wish all that was inside me was see-through

Because I know some of the shit I do

Makes it easy to subdue my true point of view.

My actions cover up that I just want you

 

So how can I expect you to

Value what I’ve been through?

Slice into and review the twenty-two

Years I’ve been having to make do

 

When you don’t know what I’ve pulled through

You don’t know the world I drew

You don’t know what I’ve come to accrue

An inherent lack of trust, how could you?

 

It’s not like I’ve talked about it with you,

Every time I think about talking,

I get scared of what you’ll do.

Of what you’ll say

That maybe, possibly, probably

You’ll just run away.

Like the others do.

 

So I’ve been sticking to working through

My own world view of not trusting you,

And I see that that approach might get me to

Think that me and you

Just might not pull through

Because if you look at my past

And all these people that withdrew

From me, making me resort to

Thinking that, through and through,

People like you aren’t worth trusting,

 

Oh, I wish you knew,

What only a few words could do

If you could just tell me to

Understand that you’ll be as true to me

As I’ve been to you

 

I wish you could understand that what you do

Leaves an impact on me, makes me review

What I’ve seen before, gotten used to,

But my expectations can change because of you

 

Yet, I’m still washing off this past residue

Which is hard to get rid of because I’ve walked through

Some shady as fuck, unforgiving avenues

And when shit like that message from Sunday comes thru,

It just seems like you’re living up to

What I’ve tried to convince myself won’t be true.

 

So please speak to me

Let your words undo

The pain and fear that I have inside

Because I just keep on seeming to redo

These things that leave me terrified

All these mistakes I’ve become accustomed to.

And I know that you’re qualified

 

So you can’t try to deny,

The influence you have over me,

I just want you to satisfy

What I think you and I could be

But if you want to self-disqualify,

Admit to me that your reality

Is one where you deny

That our idiosyncrasies are in-sync

 

Then I guess I’ll have to say goodbye

Think of our time together a special treat.

And let you go, like the sun underneath the western sea.

 

But if somehow you are able to

See through the bulwark I’ve put before you

With my help, of course, I know I need to

Talk to you about what I expect you to do

 

But if you can stick with me

and show me it’s untrue

That you’ll just up and leave

And by doing that, undo

What I have tried to interweave

 

Then maybe I can relax,

Perceive that feeling of relief

Value what you’ve done for me,

And even start to believe

That we might grow a bit together

Even if that’s totally naive

We might help each other out

An idea difficult to conceive.

 

I’m honestly not asking much of you,

I just want a few basic words to

Prove the simple fact to me

That what you value between

Us, is that you and I are “we”.

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